From Love's side both Blood and Water flowed...

“We sometimes forget that Blood and Water come from the same source---the Source of all things seen and unseen. We sometimes become so clouded by our own needs and experiences that we forget that, in the fullness of time there will be no personal needs because all will be fulfilled by the coming together of all that has been separated from the source.”

At this time when I---your founder---has need of time to heal, I offer these words today to the members of our Community (for those visitors to this site, my words may seem enigmatic, but our brothers and sisters will hear the message in what I speak) to remind you of the fact that even though our little OPD seems to be in a time of uncertainty, we remain in Love. Love is never uncertain.

Please continue to pray for my strength in this time that I am away from the community. I am working to regain my health so that I can return to you in Love. I give my great thanks to all of you who have offered prayers and support. To Bro. John and Sr. Dominica who continue to do the work of maintaining the internet communications for the OPD, I pray that God blesses you and keeps you strong. To the associate ministers of the OPD who have offered me their prayers and help---you are a blessing to me. To those who have walked this path with me---and who are temporarily separated from me (and you know who you are)---I ask you to remain One in Heart and Mind in Love and we are together. To my family---who have shown me what unconditional love is---I give all my love. When Mother and Father stand together by your side, no harm can come to you.

It is of Love that I wish to speak today. I was inspired by Sr. Dominica’s words on the Warmth of Love blog which Sr. Dominica and Bro. John sent me earlier today before they were published. Even though I have given Brother and Sister autonomy in publishing what they see fit, I appreciate this gesture because it gave me time to ponder these words with the Spirit...and so the Spirit gave me the words I will share with you now. Even in my time of pain and struggle, the Spirit still comes through so that Love’s preaching can be heard. Woe to me if I do not preach---both in and out of season.

Love is…

Love is the beginning and the end of that which has no beginning and no end. Love is the primordial paradox. Because of Love, do we exist. Yet Love---in its purest form---is complete in itself. It is complete, yet alone. …and if Love is alone, how can it be Love? How can Love exist without the beloved? It draws all to itself because it is jealous and demands single-heartedness and devotion. But what then when all is drawn to it? Where then is the “other” who is the beloved?

In order for us to find peace we look to find balance, in Love---which is existence. We try to wake and see that there is no war in Love. We walk a down road that is both solitary and communal. We pass through a river of blood and water. We walk a road that takes us from night into day.

Our community is in a place of stillness at this moment. This is because, for reasons I cannot say---God has placed me at the head of this group of beloved. Because we remain One in Heart and Mind, we seem to experience the highs and lows of life together. Remember a most important fact: Love is at the helm. So when I or we experience the effect of the rough waves of this life, if we remain focused on Love, the storm will subside. We seem to be tossed back and forth in a sea of everything and nothing. This experience of the storm can produce some fear, but fear not. Do not let your hearts be troubled because this too shall pass. This storm of words unspoken is the moment of Love’s coming to itself.

“Be Still and Know that I am God”

There is a tradition of the Monks of old who would rise at midnight and chant their prayers in the belief that at the moment of midnight---the point of balance between night and day---that all creation stops for a single moment to praise Love. They believed that in that moment all was one…that all was in Love, but that the bright light of Love was so intense that from that pure moment, creation is released back to itself so that it could begin the journey to the next midnight. Love is so pure that in the coming and the going away, we truly experience the dance of Love’s own life.

In some ways you together with me, now experience that time of stillness. Even though it seems as if all of life’s motion is still, be at peace because it is in the stillness of life that Love is reborn. The words of my favorite poet speak to this idea:

“…that blessed mood,
In which the burthen of the mystery,
In which the heavy and weary weight
Of all this unintelligible world
Is lightened---that serene and blessed mood,
In which the affections gently lead us on,
Until, the breath of this corporeal frame,
and even the motion of our human blood
Almost suspended, we are laid asleep
In body, and become a living soul:
While with an eye made quiet by the power
Of harmony, and the deep power of joy,
We see into the life of things.”
-William Wordsworth, Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey

In this moment remain still with me so that together we find the peace of this life.

Addressing the pain brought by Clergy Sexual Abuse with Love not Anger:

The pains of the continuing suffering of the Children of the Church have brought me to a great cliff. Behind me is the same path walked by many children who have suffered at the hands of men who claim to be of God; before me is a great chasm. I am asked by the Spirit to choose between Love and Anger.

What does this choice mean? Which choice demands the leap over the chasm? Do I make the leap at all? Do I hold my ground? Do I listen to those who call on me to fight? Do I choose to end the struggle within myself and move on to a purer Love? If I stay and fight, what is the cost? If I leap, who do I leave behind? If I leave any of my own behind, will they find the way of Love or will I consign them unknowingly to more suffering?

Because I seek counsel, I call out to my brothers and sisters of the great Red Path to give me your strength and Wisdom. I call on those who sail the Blue Stream to hear me and bring me to peace and to safety. I choose to Love, but how can I give that Love to those who seem to reject Love?

“Who is my mother, and brother, and sister?”

…And from Love’s side both Blood and Water flowed. Love is that which crosses all boundaries and chooses no side. Love cannot be contained in Blood alone and cannot be found in Water only. A Mother is not a mother without her Child. A Father is not a father without the Child. When you choose to spill the blood of another, you spill your own blood. When you choose to withhold water from the thirsty, you bring a draught to your self. If the fighting and conquering continue, how can Love remain with this place? If we continue to rape our children, how can we call ourselves mothers, fathers, brothers or sisters? My prayer is that the children of the Love of God will seek not to fight but to walk away from those who seek to harm the life of another.

Many have asked me how I will deal with the horrible things that the priests and bishops of Rome have done to me. Those same people wish for me to fight for others who are so victimized. What will I do? Who knows this? Many have asked for my advice on what they can do to fight these men. I will tell you what the Spirit has told me: Turn away from them. They have no authority over you unless you give it to them. Rome, if it continues to pierce the heart of this life---shedding blood and water---it condemns itself to nothingness. If you believe that Roman priests and bishops are continuing to do evil deeds, then take back your power. See them for what they are and see that they have no power over you. Do not hate them, pity them.

Decide who you are...

Here is an important lesson: We all walk the road to Calvary. We all travel that path to the top of the hill. The question is: what role will you play when you arrive at the Summit? Will you be the Lamb who suffers for Love or will you be the one who applies the nails? Are you the beloved of the Savior or the Suffering Mother? Did you come to comfort the suffering Lamb or did you come to mock? Not all are strong enough to accept the cross, but even in their weakness they can choose Love and refrain from mocking or opposing Love. You don’t have to suffer as the Lamb suffers, but you cannot seek to cause others to suffer.

If you believe that the priests of Rome are the ones applying the nails or mocking those who suffer, then why would you seek at all to remain in their midst? Those who suffer for Love---though they seem to die---can never die because they have become Love and Love is eternal. Those who comfort the Lamb, are remembered always and so they too come to new and eternal life. Those who oppose Love and torture the Lovers, they have condemned themselves. Those who mock and sit idly by while suffering continues have willingly consigned themselves to a life leading only to death.

I say to those who want to fight and destroy the men who have caused you pain: do not become what you hate. Do not fall into the trap of war. When only one side fights, it becomes defeated. Fight your fight with Love and you will be the victor. Fight your fight by having pity on the empty men who seek power over children. Pity them because they are already lifeless bodies waiting to die alone. Instead, come together in Love to support the children and families who have suffered great loss at the hands of empty men.

We can win this if we band together as a Community of Love. Mothers, comfort your suffering sons knowing that their time upon the cross is short and that day always follows night and life conquers death.

Please be at peace. Please continue to pray for me. Please come together in Love so that we can witness the death of suffering.

I am,

+Tomas-Martin, OPD

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THE BEAUTIFUL ARTWORK THAT YOU SEE WITH THIS POST IS BY GREG OLSEN IT IS CALLED "LOST AND FOUND" PLEASE CLICK THE PAINTING TO SEE THE ENTIRE GREG OLSEN GALLERY.

Br. John Matsya named communications coordinator of the OPD Community

Brothers and Sisters of the Community,
Please join me in praying for the healing of those who have been and continue to be victims of the men of the church. This community was formed to stand by the people. It was formed to give refuge to those who in their heart sought to serve God and the people in love. I ask for strength from God to continue the mission started by the founding members of our Community. I pray also that my time coordinating the internet communications of the OPD is temporary and that God will give our bishop the healing he needs to continue his work for the people. I offer my humble service although I do not posses the same level of understanding and wisdom that our bishop has always shared with us. Our community has grown and now reaches into more than ten countries with over 4000 associates and friends of the community. Even though our professed brothers and sisters are separated by distance, we have always been supported by the lay associates who come together in a community whose communication is made possible by the internet. I will work to continue to bring truth to the community in this new ministry.

Email can be directed to me at OPDcommunications@live.com

In Christ,
Br. John Matsya, O.P.D.

OPD Statement About Clergy Sexual Abuse

In the wake of the news of the continuing abuse scandal in the local church, our founder and bishop has taken a leave-of-absence from sacramental ministry due to the aggravated emotional stress of the church's continued failure to address the problem of clergy sexual abuse. Please join us in praying for the victims and their families, which includes our bishop (who is also a survivor of years of clergy sexual abuse) and his family.

Below is the bishop's statement released last May concerning this dreadful topic.

May 6, 2010

I have been contacted by several members of the media who have requested that I make a public statement concerning my thoughts on the topic of clergy sexual abuse in the Catholic Church specifically in reference to lines taken from a letter I wrote to Pope Benedict XVI on 02 November 2009. The letter was part of a series of letters I wrote to the Holy Father in relation to my request to be reconciled to the See of Rome after being consecrated a bishop without a pontifical mandate. Because the subject of clergy sexual abuse is too serious a topic for me to provide a short “sound bite” to the media I have written this more appropriate detailed statement:

As a survivor of clergy sexual abuse who is also a consecrated bishop in the traditional Catholic rite seeking full communion with the Pope and the Roman Catholic Church I have a unique perspective on the subject. Sadly my perspective has been born out of much pain and personal inner struggle due to my once and continued abuse from the clergy and bishops of the Roman Catholic Church. Like many survivors of clergy sexual abuse I have wrestled with some very serious questions: How could men of God do this? How is it possible that bishops continue to cover up abuse? Why, after reporting my abuse do the clergy and bishops continue to reject me? Should I remain in the Roman Catholic Church at all or should I free myself from the abuse and oppression I have experienced in this community?

So many people have tried to get me to adopt a position that will fit neatly into some existing, pre-packaged public relations campaign that supports one specific group affected by the crisis of clergy sexual abuse. I cannot do that. My experience is unique and I must be honest about my opinions even if my opinions are not well-received by one group or another. I will not be a victim ever again in connection to sexual abuse, even a victim of public opinion.

For decades the bishops in the United States covered up proven sexual abuse committed by priests under their jurisdiction. This conference-wide conspiracy of cover-up made it possible for generations of abusive priests to victimize countless children in the United States, including myself. There is no excuse whatsoever for their actions. In my opinion the bishops in this country are more guilty than the abusers. Why? …because for the most part abusers were isolated individuals acting alone in deplorable secrecy, but the topic of how best to cover up their crimes and to intimidate their victims into silence was on the proverbial agenda of discussion topics in the backroom of every bishops conference for years. It was the most spoken about unspoken topic for decades. That fact that it was so easy for these men to discuss this evil without any regard for the emotional death it caused children and families…quite frankly makes me want to vomit. How any bishop who participated in this cover up is still in power defies all reason.

I believe that the response of the bishops after the widespread crisis was exposed by the American media was just as deplorable as their cover-up. Here’s what I mean: Instead of admitting their evil, repenting, and fixing the problem, they washed their hands like Pontius Pilate and dumped the mess in the lap of civil authorities. Speaking from personal experience, prosecutors and diocesan attorneys often re-victimize the abuse survivors by their aggressive investigative tactics. I for one was not ready to make my abuse public. (Even this statement is only the “tip of the iceberg” of the details of my experiences as a child and teenager…not-to-mention the years of isolation and sexual intimacy and trust issues I found myself nearly drowning in. I’m no longer ashamed of talking about the period of sexual degradation I put myself through in trying to heal from my abuse, but this statement is not the moment to articulate those details.) When I reported my abuse I needed a loving shepherd, a pastor to help me deal with my nightmares, but no such man was to be found in the Roman Catholic Church. Instead I was humiliated by being forced to give statements to civil authorities and a diocesan lawyer. I couldn’t handle such pressure and told the diocese that I didn’t want my most humiliating experiences to be public knowledge, but no one cared. So, I only told a few details of my abuse hoping that I would be able to retain some of my personal dignity.

When I tried to speak to my spiritual director (a priest of the diocese) about what was going on, he turned me away telling me he could no longer meet with me. I then received a letter from the diocesan attorney stating that I was barred from having any contact with the priests of the diocese. So the Roman Catholic Church’s response to my abuse was to cut me off from any and all pastoral help and at the same time expel my entire religious community from parish life. They did offer me secular counseling. In fact the “victim assistance coordinator” for the diocese of Camden reached out to me by calling my secular employer and leaving a message for me with a co-worker. Her message was very detailed. In fact she told my co-worker exactly who she was and why she was trying to reach me! By the time I returned from my lunch break my abuse was the topic of discussion at my workplace. You can imagine how much this helped my healing process.

In my experience the bishops have made this crisis worse not only by their initial inaction but by their subsequent heartless response to the public scandal. I’m not fooled by the “prevention programs” and the agreements of understanding with civil authorities because I know how the Church really handles these issues. The cover-ups and abuse continue. In the Diocese of Camden the tactics to limit a victim’s ability to recover are despicable. The bishops have simply found new ways to conceal the abuse and the mistreatment victims receive from dioceses. It’s worse now than it was before the scandal broke, believe me. The difference is that they have found a way to use civil authorities as pawns and to manipulate public opinion. When are we going to wake up and realize that the generation of priest abusers who never got caught have become the current generation of bishops and that they are using their new Episcopal power combined with all the intimidation skills they learned as abusers to find new ways to punish victims and silence the people of God? They are experts in intimidation. As bishops they are simply finding new ways to rape the people of God. If you think that is an extreme opinion, just travel the Roman Church in America and talk to the people.

One sad effect of the bishops’ continued cover-up is the devastating financial impact the scandal has had on many dioceses throughout the country. Even though I do not support the idea of suing dioceses seeking monetary damages, I understand the motivation of victims and their attorneys. The Church has left little other recourse for victims. Where no money amount can ever make a victim of sexual abuse whole again, victims deserve a just compensation for their pain. Money should not be that compensation, but when love is at a premium in the Church money is the only viable worldly substitute. What is so disturbing is that fact that bishops (most of whom are independently wealthy) seem to have no problem raping the pocketbooks of the same families whose children have already been physically raped by their priests. I do not understand how it is acceptable in the Church for bishops to sell off parish churches and empty the coffers of long standing financially secure communities to pay for their crimes and then to condemn parishioners who fight against their efforts to plunder historic faith communities. The situation in the Diocese of Camden is a heart wrenching example of the Church’s failure to protect God’s flock from the rapists who have infiltrated the ranks of bishops. I have been forced to stand by, powerless to help my diocese…and watch her parishes crumble before my eyes because no one in the Church cares to intervene. The subculture of rapism cultivated by priests and bishops has emotionally crippled one generation of Catholics and financially crippled another. And while we are all busy dealing with the abuse crisis and its litigated aftermath no one has noticed that it has produced a societal generation that wants to keep its children as far away as possible from any priest. (…not to mention the discreetly engineered real estate scams that have made countless bishops wealthier in this country)

I make it a point to wear my religious habit or my clerical collar as often as I can in order to be available to anyone who needs spiritual support. I have lost count of the times that mothers have pulled their children close to them when they see me in public simply because it has become reasonable to equate a priest’s collar with sexual abuse. You have no idea how painful that is for me. I would gladly take my last earthly breath if it would end the pain of sexual abuse in the Church (as I’m sure most victims would if it could protect other children from what we have experienced), so to be put in the same category with abusers is like being told that it’s my fault that I was abused. It’s like being forced to pay for the sins of the men who abused me because the priest collar is no longer a sign of loving service but a scarlet letter. So many friends have tried to convince me to leave ministry and leave the Church, but I can’t. Even though my struggle to be recognized by Rome continues I will fight to remain a bishop of the Church because if I leave, who will protect the children who are left to fend for themselves? Can you name a bishop in the Roman Church who will? If you can, tell me and maybe I can leave in peace.

I have tried to reach out to the Vatican to tell my story and offer my help to defend victims. In November 2009 I wrote to Pope Benedict XVI telling him that based on my contacts with victims throughout the Church in the US---and by means of internet communications with victims in other countries---I did not believe that the abuse crisis was over. I stated that I believed that bishops were not reporting the facts and were still covering up abuse. When the situation in Ireland was reported in the world press I was outraged. However, I still do not believe that my brother in the episcopate, Joseph Ratzinger, is part of the problem. George Weigel’s recent article “Limits on papal power and inept subordinates” is of value here. Many outside the Church do not understand the dubiousness of the Church’s definition of Papal authority. It’s a mess really. This statement is not the moment to discuss the schizophrenic nature of the structure of canonical authority in the Roman Church. Suffice it to say that the Pope is as limited as he makes himself. Certainly the canons of the church limit the jurisdictional authority of the Pope, but the canons do not limit his ability to speak. The Pope must speak out definitively and denounce the bishops of the Church who perpetuate the sexual abuse crisis. In my opinion he should start by removing the Apostolic Nuncio to the United States.

There is another aspect of the sexual abuse crisis that we fail to acknowledge. The tolerance of sexual abuse in the Church is symptomatic of an oppressive man-dominated intellectual rapism that has crept its way into many aspects of the Church’s life. The same system of thought that excused and covered up the abuse of children is responsible for the oppression of women and the destruction of real family values in the Roman Catholic Church. If we continue to allow children, courageous women, and struggling families to be objectified and marginalized by the hierarchy (who treat them like a wrench in the cogs of some unrealistic moral superiority) we will doom humanity to repeat the fall of Eden generation after generation. We cannot move forward as a Christian community until we have the strength to admit that the fall of humanity was not the result of the weakness of a woman or the blindness of a man, but the result of the jealousy and fear of a serpent. (…a serpent who represents the arrogance of, a primordially male, material lust for power and control over others).

In order to combat and repair the (repairable) damage caused by the sexual abuse crisis, we have to begin to live and preach real love and forgiveness. We must preach not the “new” evangelization but the true evangelization. This includes dealing honestly with the moral issues that seem to strangle the breath of societal growth. It certainly includes defeating the morally and socially oppressive actions exhibited by many fearful bishops who have lost touch with reality and with the love that is Christ.

With hope for the future, I am,
+Tomas-Martin, OPD
Bishop of the Order of Penance of Saint Dominic